Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Dislikes

Lately, I have had the worst feelings of ickyness ever!

I can't recall a time when I felt like that all of the time and I am looking back on my life and hating all of the things that I could have changed. I feel like I wasted so much of my life of pety things and not really bothering to live for myself. I live for my daughter now and I love her so much but her father.. I don't like him.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A Cheating Man


When I turned 25 years old I thought that I would do something wonderful with my life. But I didn't. Well, not then anyway!


I ended up getting married to a man I should have clearly, never married! We moved to Puerto Rico and after not having his children and living in a country where the language was forbidden, by my husband, for me to learn (he didn't want me to learn the language, this way he always had an advantage over me) I settled for mental and physical abuse from him.


He joined the Army and after deciding that I was leaving him during the "boot camp" period, I wasn't planning to look back. He calls and conviences me to stay and of course, I did. With the understanding that the Army would "change" the abusive man that was sent to Fort Sill, Oklahoma. After that, we moved to California, he changed.. for about 2 weeks and then it was back to the usual mental and physical beatings.


Honestly, to make a long story short.. I was glad when I caught him with the "other woman". I'll never forget that day. I walked in on them and simply said to him,


"When your done.... You and I need to have a powwow in the living room."


I was calm and cool. As a matter of fact, I don't think I even had an expression on my face. Just cold and emotionless.


I let him go. Simple as that. Of course, she went out the bedroom window that day and he left with a nights set of clothes. I came along behind him and dropped the rest of his things off at the girls front door. Only to end up having this conversation with her.


Other girl.. "What do you want me to do with his things?"


"I don't care what you do with them. He doesn't live with me any more!"


Other woman.. "What am I supposed to tell my husband?"


Besides trying to hold back the initial shock that she was married and then laughter, all I could muster up was .....


"Well, tell him to move over in the bed because your boyfriend is moving in!"


I left her standing on the front porch with a small box of my husbands belongings. I turned and walked away from my marriage!


I still attended college there in Monterey, California and one day during class break I met a woman who would change my life for a while. She was attending school there as well and I loved talking to her. I asked her if it was okay to stop by her place sometime to talk and she informed me that she lived in her car at the local park with her son. I was shocked! Then to piss off the ex husband I moved her and her son into quarters! What did I care! I took 2 people off the street and by the time that I had left, I had made 4 new friends. She found her long lost daughters (2 of them) and I had friends up the wazoo and wasn't thinking about... what's his name!?!


After about 4 months I had to move from Monterey , so I opted to come back home to Virginia. I drove for 3 days because money was to tight for a hotel room and we all know rest stops aren't that safe. I left all of that behind me...


Now I set here 9 years later with my only true accomplishment, Emma. The ONE good thing that come out of all of it in the end. She is my rock, she is my inspiration, she is my diamond, she is my soul, my everything.


I don't remember a whole lot about those times in California, except the beatings. Those I remember well. Funny, how people always remember the aweful things that happen in their lives and really struggle to find the good memories.


A few days ago I got a phone call from those 2 daughters of the woman I took in. They were so happy to find me and I was completely shocked that they had been looking for me. I really loved those two. They where my rock back then and I sometimes thought that I needed them to get by even a day. They were easy to talk to and listened all night if I asked them. I really needed them. When I left California I lost touch with them. I'm really glad that they loved me enough to come calling after all this time. It turns out that we all have children now and life went on.


I truly believe that at some point in every womans life, they wonder if they share their bed with a cheater!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Overview

Potty training .... still not doing well.
Grocery shopping .... hopeless when she's leaning out of the cart screaming "bless you" to everyone
Eating out .... can't do it! Stomach is tore up from having to eat within 15 minutes flat!
Driving ... Emma has figured out how to escape the car seat
Playing nice .... she still throws the sand bucket at the kitty cat
ALL of her fish is DEAD!! I still can't figure that out!
Diapers .. still takes them off and runs through the house naked
Computer ... no particular settings anymore with Emma beating on the keyboard. Oh... and she has figured out the printer makes paper come out of it. Not good!! Trust me on that!
My mind... I still don't know where it went!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Pity Pot


I have come to realize that since becoming a mother I am totally clueless at raising children. Thus, I ask alot of questions to alot of women who (1) have more children than I do (2) have alot more experience with children than I do and (3) have raised their children to become positive and productive persons of society.

Emma's greatest ambition these days is to potty train. At first I thought that this was impossible for her age but then again I live with her and figured out that if she knows what throwing away trash means, then she could MAYBE figure out potty training.

Here we go! I have taught her that she needs to go potty when I go, even when she doesn't do anything at least she can go through the motions. A little practice never killed anyone. Well, not when a potty was involved. Ya' know, just a way for her to get the idea. Now, I ask her if she needs to go potty, she immediatly runs to the bathroom, takes down her pull ups and pees on the FLOOR! In FRONT of the potty! I think we're getting close! :) Literaly.

So I decided to buy those little potties that play a little ditty when the baby goes. LOL... This is a joke. MY baby has figured it out! So now when she wants to hum to a tune she simply goes to the bathroom and pours her sippy cup into the potty, the tunes sound off and she dances!

Conclusion.... Potty training... Harder for Ma Ma than baby!